flemish helpful but not essential

a few flemish you tubes (seeing as everyone is doing it)

laughing at someone with no balls (please avert your eyes now; even if you've seen it before)

when will i will i be famous (you tube provides the perfect tool for this belgian idol; make sure to stick the first minute and a half out))

the third time the germans came (or belgian bus company taken over by the germans)

Wit-Lof from Belgium

Further proof of the power of the witloof over the Belgian psyche is provided by the title of Gust De Coster's epic history of the flat country's pop music.

I can only presume that the title is an extremely poor play on With Love from Belgium. But why?? Anywayz, if you fancy a copy you can pick up one of the very few left, here.

If you would prefer to save your money for purchasing the music itself, you can find a decent listing of Belgian bands on myspace.

Picking up the latest (or last in Jacques' case) Brel, Deus, Soulwax or Arno probably won't win you any prizes for originality but they'd be well worth it. Nuit Blanche by Vive la Fete, Camino Real from Buscemi, Club from Jaune Toujours, and (although this might be a bit of a faux pas) The Sailor not the Sea by Ozark Henry are also recommended, wit-lof of course.

So this is what they do at DG Regional Affairs

This is 4 real. A busy afternoon at DG Regio.....

Subject: FOR THE ATTENTION OF THOSE USING THE SMALL FREEZER OF OUR FLOOR

Dear colleagues,

All of us who use the small freezer which is placed in the small room in the middle of our floor remember very well that it was in an inadmissible state of dirtiness.

I have found different kind of food which was perished, mouldy or had a bad odour caused by bacteria as the best-before date had expired for more than six months ago.

As you know there is no cleaning service foreseen for this freezer and it has to be kept clean by the people who use it.

Last Wednesday, I had to summon up all my courage and decided to clean it myself hoping that from now on everybody who uses it will make an effort to keep it clean and empty the food before it gets rotten.

Last but not least, the lady who has forgotten her vaginal cream in the freezer, is kindly asked to take it as soon as possible.

Thank you for your understanding and have a nice week.

Fog over Channel, continent isolated

Ever wondered why Britain is in a different timezone to other parts of Western Europe. Well clearly so do some representatives of the British public. Tim Yeo has introduced a bill (follow its progress here) to the House of Commons to align the UK with mainland Europe in matters of the clock.

This is not the way it is being sold of course. The following is Yeo's attempt to describe the situation that would pertain following the change:

"This means that in the summer the time would be British Summer Time + 1 hour and in the winter it would be Greenwich Mean Time + 1 hour."

Would it not be easier just to call it Central European Time?

Ceci n'est pas une fiction

Fact is sometimes stranger than fiction. In Belgium it is all pretty weird. The country has a proud history of surrealism and it is sometimes very difficult to distinguish ruse from reality.

Before Christmas the French language state broadcaster - RTBF - decided to continue the surrealist tradition by broadcasting a "news" item announcing that Flanders had declared independence. The programme provoked panic and the country's politicians had a collective sense of humour failure.

While this is spoof of the highest order - the programme was apparently two years in the making - check out www.flandersnews.be any day of the week and you will see news reports that really make you think; they couldn't be making it up, could they?

• wrong school evacuated after bomb scare
• the airline with the unlucky logo
• the iguana in a permanent state of excitement

After the Star Wars, Begium Strikes Back

Loyal readers will be aware of the recent furore in Belgium caused by the shameful confiscation of several of their highly treasured Michelin stars. Whilst the immediate cause of the hostilities between the French Michelin Guide and the Belgians appears to have been the comical granting of a first star to a non-existent restaurant, culinary hostilities between the two neighbours go back much further. The real source of the rivalry is the popular chip. Or frite. Or - and spitting while saying this in either Belgium or the US is common - french fry.

The Secret History of the French Fry is a fascinating tale involving a world war, an extinct people, an American President, royalty from an array of European countries, and, less surprisingly, the Irish. Unfortunately it is not able to clear up the confusion over where the fry originated. What it does do quite well though is to illustrate the depth of the feeling surrounding the issue and tell us why anybody might care.

Passions have, of course, recently been most enflamed in the US, where not only did they insert Freedom Fries onto the Congressional menu but Freedom Toast too. Go figure. It is with this controversy that the pendulum might have started to swing in the direction of the Belgians. At the height of the contretemps, Wikipedia reports that the French embassy made no comment, except to point out that French fries actually come from Belgium.

The French should have held their nerve. A quick glance at the history books would have told them that anti-German sentiment during the First World War resulted in the sauerkraut temporarily becoming the liberty cabbage, while hamburgers were christened liberty steaks. Sure enough, by July 2006 French Fries were back on the menu.

Emboldened by the increasing recognition of the actual birthplace of the fry, the Belgians are pressing for a full renaming. Belgianfriesdotcom is even offering you the opportunity to get involved in f-commerce. Reminiscent of the concept of the Irish pub, this crowd will hook you up with whatever you need to get your very own Belgian Fries joint up and running. Ingenious.

A word of warning, however; you are unlikely to be in the running for any Michelin stars.