More Belgian negotiations break down

The Witloof can exclusively reveal that top-secret negotiations between high ranking Flemish and Francophone politicians on the break-up of the country have broken down.

The talks, taking place in a crowded pub in downtown Brussels, had been progressing well according to one well placed source. There was broad agreement that Flanders would keep the economic growth while Wallonia would keep large numbers of unemployed.

Flanders would get the majority of the beer, while Wallonia would take the lion’s share of the chocolate. Wallonia would also get the royal family, a key Flemish demand.

Experts had expected the most difficult aspect of the talks to concern the future of Brussels but there was apparently unanimity that this should be given to the Moroccans.

The breakdown of the break-up negotiations actually came as those involved failed to agree on how to divide up the family silver. In addition to the embassies in Washington, London, Paris and Moscow, Flanders wanted a rather expensive looking crystal chandelier and a set of six ceramic dinner plates. Flabbergasted Walloon negotiators are understood to have stormed out without even finishing their 33cl glasses of Jupiler.

The question now is whether the two sides can be tempted back to the negotiating table. Those familiar with the key players estimate the chance of a resumption at about 30%, coincidentally also the average strength of a local beer.

Inside: Mannekin Pis refuses to take sides.