Saturday, March 10

The Week that Was

Astrologists take the Kroescial decisions
‘Neelie Kroes in the Stars’, roared Dutch daily freesheet De Pers on 7 March. The European Union’s Competition policy supremo, it reveals, cannot do anything before seeking astrological advice.

“She called me sometimes daily for her horoscope,” her ex-astrologist Simon Suiker revealed to De Pers, “she hung on my every word”.

Well that’s just great for the officials in DG Competition isn’t it. Five years working on a (fast-track) file, then your Commissioner picks up the telephone to her astrologist to decide what needs to be done. Excellent.

Perhaps she just wanted to know how to stop being eclipsed by her colleagues?

Playmates eclipse stock exchange experts
Maybe Kroes is on to something though. Why bother consulting the experts when there are cracks and the completely unqualified aplenty bursting with opinions?

In these times of stock market turbulence, Brussels freesheet Metro newspaper reported that the portfolios of selected playmates outperformed those of a group of financial experts over the course of 2006. Their secret? Well, Miss February selected IBM on the basis that she “likes sending emails”, while Miss September opted for a portfolio top heavy in pharma stocks due to her predisposition for “staying healthy”.

Not so Wise Tom
If you don’t need real experts to give you policy advice, you can always use them to try to earn a little cash on the side. If you do so it is best to do it wisely, however. Tom Wise has blatantly failed to live up to his name. On 3 March, the Sunday Times gave us the latest instalment of the financial dealings of the UKIP MEP.

What is particularly disappointing is how Tom chose to invest his embezzled money. £6,5000 is alleged to have gone on a Green Peugeot 406. Green being the colour of the car and nothing to do with its CO2 emissions.

Next time Tom you might be better off hiring Miss December who boasted superior returns on the basis of investing in bank stocks. Her reasoning being “I like money.”

And finally…
Keeping with the financial theme, and also because I think it is pretty funny, it seems appropriate to look back on an Onion article explaining how the markets might actually have rebounded this week.


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