Thursday, September 7

Be aware of the tree

Jean-Claude Camille François Van Varenberg, otherwise known as Jean-Claude van Damme, aka the muscles from Brussels, the self-proclaimed Fred Astaire of Karate, crashed into a tree in Knokke, Belgium, in the early hours of 4 September. reports that the ‘actor’, the only person involved in the collision, gave a breath test at the scene of the incident, claims that have since been contradicted by reports in the Belgian press that he refused the breathalyzer.

It is not clear whether the police felt that a breath test was appropriate because of the unusual action of crashing into a tree for no apparent reason on a deserted road at six o’clock in the morning or because they couldn’t understand a word he was saying. Van Damme is renowned in Belgium for speaking Franglais, a mix of French and English, with what he says never making any sense. Aware in particular appears to be a word that he has picked up over the years in America and failed to translate back into his native French:

"Il faut etre aware"

“On fait des films, on les envoie par ondes, par waves, par radio waves. Et sous cette compression qui est raw, qui est plate, ça devient du feeling, et le feeling c'est l'amour, et l'amour c'est be aware."

The police have made the Timecop star aware that the incident will cost him a minimum of €1,100. He is said to be bearing up.

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